"HAPPY 9TH BIRTHDAY SWEETEST GIRL"

I love you Ahmi. Forever and Always plus One More Day! I hope you had a Great Christmas and the happiest birthday! I think about you every day and I pray you're being loved as you deserve. I dream about seeing you again. I will love you always and forever. Be well sweetest girl and be happy! XOXO

"HAPPY 8TH BIRTHDAY SWEETEST GIRL"

Hello Sweetest Girl! I hope you had a very Merry Christmas and the Best Birthday! I thought about you just as I always do! I hope and pray that you are happy and well loved! You'd better be! You deserve no less than to be treasured as the treasure that you are! I still hope and pray that one day we will be reunited. I have so much to share with you. Although I'd love to write them here, the memories belong to you and I alone and I won't have them stolen. As you were stolen. I continue to hold them close at heart until the day when I will share them with you. Be happy. Be well. I love you Ahmi girl. Forever and Always plus One more Day! Mom hugs and kisses.

"SWEETEST GIRL"

How are you sweetest girl? I wonder that every minute of every day. I hope and pray you are happy, well, and loved. Time has made things easier to bear but, the pain is always there. I can only imagine how smart and beautiful you are growing to be. I hold on to dreams of our reuniting. It's what gets me through these days. Please look for me. I'm waiting with open arms and an open heart. Waiting for the call from you. I love you sweetest girl! Forever and Always plus one more day. Mom XOXO

"HAPPY 7TH BIRTHDAY SWEET AHMI GIRL"

I hope and pray your special day was filled with laughter and love. I thought about you all that day as I always do. You're never far from my thoughts. Always held close in my heart. Seven years old! I can only imagine how much you've grown. How much you've learned. Although I miss you as much as always and yearn to wrap my arms around you, the pain is more bearable. I'm trying to see each passage as bringing our reunion one year closer. God brought you and I together on April 13,2007. I believe his will was interrupted by humans and circumstances. He will bring us back together again. I long for the day when I will hug you close. I will have years of cards, love, and memories to share with you. Until that day comes, where we will be reunited, hopefully never to be separated again, I hold you in my heart. At night when I look up at the moon, I'll be thinking of you. Be happy sweetest girl. I hope you laugh often. I love you Forever and Always plus One More Day! XXXOOO Mom

"A NEW SCHOOL YEAR"

Hello sweetest girl. You've been on my mind a lot recently. Wow! First grade! You'll be 7 soon. You must be so big! I bet you love school and that you are a great student! I'm sure your teachers love you. I pray you are loved and happy. I love you very much Ahmi girl! Forever and Always plus One More Day! When the time comes, I pray that you will search for me. I'm confident you won't have to look hard or long. I've spent the time since we were separated laying a trail for you. Please know that no matter what, no matter when, I am here waiting 24/7. I will always be here for you. I will provide you a safe harbor, whatever you need. I will NEVER BETRAY YOU TO anyone! No one has my loyalty over you! Grow and learn sweetheart. I know that each year brings you closer to searching on the computer for answers. I'm waiting anxiously to provide them. I miss and love you Sweetest Ahmi girl! Every minute of every day. Forever and Always plus One More Day. Your so called parents wouldn't allow us to say goodbye. Maybe that was for the best. Please look for me honey. I want to be reunited with you more than anything in this world!

"DEAR SWEET AHMI GIRL (LITTLE ONE)"

Wow 5 1/2 years old! Not so little anymore! Kindergarten will be starting soon. Are you excited? I remember when you were 2. You wanted to go to big kid school. Like "your kids" Sam and A.J. What do you know? The time is almost here. I'm sure you've grown and learned so much over the past year and a half! I often wonder; Do you still like elephants, tea parties, the beach, flip flops, chocolate? Is Jasmine still your favorite princess? Do you still silk? I miss your silks! I bet your hair is so long! Like I always said, I'm sure you skipped breakfast the day they were handing out the good hair gene. I'm sure you were first in line! Lol! Do you still play little tricks to hear others laughter? I miss your sweet impish grin every day! I pray everyday that your heart is light and the sound of your sweet laughter is heard often. The sound of your laughter and giggles makes the world a much better place! I hope that wonderful sound often brightens the world around you! You deserve so much laughter and joy! I hope and pray you are happy and well! Although we weren't able to say goodbye, I've never stopped loving or thinking about you! I'm so very sorry that I just disappeared from your life without saying goodbye. I need you to know, understand, and to believe that it wasn't your fault! You could never do or say anything that would cause me to go away or to ever stop loving you! Ever since you were a little baby I've said,"I'll Love You Forever and Always Plus One More Day!" That has always been true. Forever and always it will be true! You're the kindest, sweetest, smartest, bestest little girl ever! Just as we always told you, you're beautiful on the inside as well as the outside! That makes you very special! Lots of people have outer beauty. However, many of them don't have the beautiful heart that you do! It was a joy and a privilege to be a part of your life! Someday when you're grown, I would love to sit and share so many awesome memories with you. I have your scrapbook, baby journals, and your dvd. I will keep them safe until the day I pass them on to you alone! Every night I look up at the moon. I pray you giggled and laughed that day. I always say, "I love you sweetest Ahmi girl. Forever and Always plus One More Day!" Until the day we are reunited, I hold you close within my heart! Sending you tons of hugs and kisses, and oceans full of love! Mom p.s. Chris and Terry are having a baby girl in Sept. Right after school starts. Her name will be Adriana Rose. I'm making a pink and white blanket for her. Also making a small scrapbook. Well, I'm decorating the pages. They'll add the pics. I LOVE YOU!

"FOREVER AND ALWAYS PLUS ONE MORE DAY"

This posting is a little different. This is a story I made up for A. When she was still a baby. I want to record it here hoping she'll find and remember it one day.

It was bedtime. Mommy kissed her, hugged her, and said, "I love you sweetest girl." The little girl asked, "Mommy how much do you love me? "Mommy thought for a moment. Then answered with a smile. "My sweet little  angel love, I love you more than there are bugs in the world. More than all the leaves on all of the trees. I love you more than all the drops of water in the oceans. More than all the grains of sand on the beaches. I love you more than we love chocolate (big hugs my little chocoholic). Much more than ice cream. I love you one more than the biggest number there is. More than all the coins in the world. I love you even more than there are stars in the sky. I love you more than the infinity  of space."(remember that infinity means never ending).  The little girl asked, "Mommy how long will you love me?" Mommy hugged her and said, "my wonderful child, I will love you until, the dog stands up and says hello. Until vegetables taste like chocolate bars. Until the moon falls from the sky. Some day, when you grow up and maybe become a Mommy, even then, I will still love you.  I will love you longer than the end of time. No matter what, I will love you, Forever and Always, plus One more Day." That's exactly how much I love you sweetest girl. I miss you little one. I hope you smiled and giggled today! Hugs, Kisses, Mom

YOU'RE THE BEST!

Overall, you were such a delightful baby and child! Patient, loving, good natured, curious, bright, helpful, kind. Couldn't ask for a better child! It was such a wonderful pleasure and privilege sharing each day with you! My life was so blessed that you were a part of it. I had wished for a daughter ever since I was a little girl. For so long I thought it would never be. Then you came along. You were a gift from God. I was so proud to be your mom. I'm so sorry our time together was cut short. A piece of my heart and soul was taken and can never be replaced. I fought as hard as I could, tried everything to get you back. Only to hit dead ends at every turn. I begged over and over for the chance to say goodbye to you. The bond you and I shared seemed to threaten the people you were given to and I was told "no" again and again

Dear Sweet Girl,

My dearest sweet Ahmi girl,
I love you today, as much as I always have, as much as I always will. I hope that each day brings you one more chuckle and a lot less pain. I want you to be happy my sweet girl as you deserve to be. I'm sorry I wasn't allowed to say goodbye to you. You are forever in my thoughts and in my heart. All the times we've shared together are special memory treasures. Like one day at the park. You were sitting in my lap, facing me on the swing. I started swinging. You laughed and said, "higher Mommy, go higher." We went so high! I remember you put your head back, and closed your eyes. You told me to try it. You said, "it will tickle your tummy."How we laughed and laughed together. That was such a special moment because I got to share it with you. I often think about that wonderful day and smile. 
  Also, remember our 1st visit to Sea World w/ Miss Mary's class. How soaked we were from the rain! I believe we were wet all the way down to our skin! What an adventure that was! How we went home, and after drying off and changing, we had hot Chocolate w/ whipped cream. Then, we had a nap, dry and toasty warm. Although, I was glad the sun was out for our 2nd visit, I think I'll always remember the 1st time as the best day! Someday when I see you again, we will talk about all of those memories. Those memories mean everything to me because they were times I shared with you. I will hold them and you close in my heart until we see each other again. I think about you every day. When you look up at the moon, remember that I'm also looking up at it. Each time I'll be thinking of you, sending you hugs and kisses, and always, always loving you. 
   Little one, I'm so sorry about all the pain, confusion, anger, and sadness you may be feeling. You don't deserve any of it. I wish I could wipe it all away. I'm sorry for my part in everything that's happened. I need you to know, baby, NOTHING that happened is your fault. I'm so very sorry that you got hurt, for everything you've been through. You didn't do anything wrong. You never, ever could. Sometimes adults make the wrong choices and the people who mean the most unintentionally get hurt. Or they may think they're doing the right thing but, it really isn't the right thing at all. Please don't ever think this was your fault because it never was and never could be. NEVER! All the adults around you made mistakes and the wrong choices. First Daddy and I. Then the Social workers. Never you baby love, never. I'm sorry you got hurt by choices that you had no part of and no voice in.
  Be happy my sweet baby love. I want you to be happy special girl as you so totally deserve to be. Remember, I love you more than all the drops of water in the ocean. More than all the grains of sand on the beaches. My love is more than there all the bugs in the world. More than there are leaves on the trees. I love you more than we love chocolate (my little chocoholic). I love you one more than the very highest number. More than there are stars in the sky. More than the infinity(which means, never ending) of space. Forever and always, plus one more day! That's how long I'll love you! You are the most precious little girl I've ever known. Remember what we've always told you, you're beautiful on the inside as well as the outside. That makes you a very special person! I was/am so blessed to have had the chance to know you, to share your life, to love and care for you. Smile today sweetheart.

                                                
                                                        Hugs and Kisses,
                                                             Mommy


 

I MISS YOU

I miss you more than words can say, You're in my thoughts night and day. Although right now we are apart, I will hold you always in my heart. You gave us laughter, joy and love Our precious gift sent from above Treasured every day with you  I never knew there'd be so few Some days I just sit and cry We weren't allowed to say Goodbye!