My dearest sweet Ahmi girl,
I love you today, as much as I always have, as much as I always will. I hope that each day brings you one more chuckle and a lot less pain. I want you to be happy my sweet girl as you deserve to be. I'm sorry I wasn't allowed to say goodbye to you. You are forever in my thoughts and in my heart. All the times we've shared together are special memory treasures. Like one day at the park. You were sitting in my lap, facing me on the swing. I started swinging. You laughed and said, "higher Mommy, go higher." We went so high! I remember you put your head back, and closed your eyes. You told me to try it. You said, "it will tickle your tummy."How we laughed and laughed together. That was such a special moment because I got to share it with you. I often think about that wonderful day and smile.
Also, remember our 1st visit to Sea World w/ Miss Mary's class. How soaked we were from the rain! I believe we were wet all the way down to our skin! What an adventure that was! How we went home, and after drying off and changing, we had hot Chocolate w/ whipped cream. Then, we had a nap, dry and toasty warm. Although, I was glad the sun was out for our 2nd visit, I think I'll always remember the 1st time as the best day! Someday when I see you again, we will talk about all of those memories. Those memories mean everything to me because they were times I shared with you. I will hold them and you close in my heart until we see each other again. I think about you every day. When you look up at the moon, remember that I'm also looking up at it. Each time I'll be thinking of you, sending you hugs and kisses, and always, always loving you.
Little one, I'm so sorry about all the pain, confusion, anger, and sadness you may be feeling. You don't deserve any of it. I wish I could wipe it all away. I'm sorry for my part in everything that's happened. I need you to know, baby, NOTHING that happened is your fault. I'm so very sorry that you got hurt, for everything you've been through. You didn't do anything wrong. You never, ever could. Sometimes adults make the wrong choices and the people who mean the most unintentionally get hurt. Or they may think they're doing the right thing but, it really isn't the right thing at all. Please don't ever think this was your fault because it never was and never could be. NEVER! All the adults around you made mistakes and the wrong choices. First Daddy and I. Then the Social workers. Never you baby love, never. I'm sorry you got hurt by choices that you had no part of and no voice in.
Be happy my sweet baby love. I want you to be happy special girl as you so totally deserve to be. Remember, I love you more than all the drops of water in the ocean. More than all the grains of sand on the beaches. My love is more than there all the bugs in the world. More than there are leaves on the trees. I love you more than we love chocolate (my little chocoholic). I love you one more than the very highest number. More than there are stars in the sky. More than the infinity(which means, never ending) of space. Forever and always, plus one more day! That's how long I'll love you! You are the most precious little girl I've ever known. Remember what we've always told you, you're beautiful on the inside as well as the outside. That makes you a very special person! I was/am so blessed to have had the chance to know you, to share your life, to love and care for you. Smile today sweetheart.
Hugs and Kisses,
Mommy
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